By Sondra Sneed | True Love Spiritual Advisor
When you self-soothe anxieties, you reduce the emotional weight your beloved carries in a relationship with you. But don’t misunderstand, this doesn’t mean to ignore your feelings. It means finding ways to get what you need satisfied on your own. When your mate is still learning how to be present for you, these self-containment techniques will manage what you unload, on an unsuspecting ally.
Here are 5 ways to keep your emotional weight on the lighter side.
Practice what it means to wait
To wait means to acknowledge you have unconscious fears, which make you feel insecure. Allow those anxieties to subside, before addressing your precious about anything they’ve done or said that has upset you. Practice being an adult. Be patient, instead of accusing your darling of degrading your feelings, when they simply don’t understand where you’re coming from. Wait until you can listen and analyze their perspective, before jumping down their throat with yours. Determine whether or not they are manipulating you, by waiting to understand what was actually said. Don’t just focus on how you feel about what was said. Wait, ask more questions for clarity, before skipping to conclusions about why they said or did what they said or did.
Self-comfort means to take responsibility for what you feel, even if your emotional state is the result of another’s actions or words. You can self-soothe your fears and pain by remembering this: you are just fine and the situation is only temporary.
Walk it off, shake it off, or suck your thumb, but when your beloved can’t be there for you, you don’t need to blame them for their inadequacy to be of service to your needs.
If your mate doesn’t have to lift you or reassure you, when you’re feeling weak or insecure, then they get to meet you as an equal.
Keep your mate from getting in the middle of your emotional process, as well, by soothing yourself amid disagreements.
What you are is greater than the you who is involved with another
You were you long before they showed up in your life. So, remember who that is, always.
When you forget, don’t go to your partner to remind you who you are. Go to you, reclaim the best you that you’ve forgotten.
The trick to avoiding romance sabotage is to be self-sufficient.
Be independent of your mate’s actions, so that you stay you.
Be yourself, always. Don’t lose yourself to keep someone in your life, either, or in time you’ll lose them. If you ever wonder who you have to be, what they want you to be, you have lost your hold on you. Stop. Relearn you, before asking them whom they want of you.
Learn where or when you become dependent on someone else to make you feel better.
When you’re in a gloomy state of mind, and you call on your mate to make you feel better, that’s just what friends do, right? Well, unfortunately, when your mate cannot improve your mood just by being present, he or she loses faith in your ability to feel better on your own. They’ll start to see you as needy, clingy, or a downer.
For most people, depression is a temporary state with many causes and triggers. For others, however, they have a habit to go into melancholy because it’s all they know how to do when dealing with immobile states of mind.
Move out of depression with gratitude of thought.
Begin by being grateful for all you have. Itemize these things you have and say, “thank you” deep within you, so your higher-self and higher power can hear you. There are so many who don’t have what you have. This is a way to remember the specifics of that disparity in your favor.
With gratitude for the little things, you’ll not only feel better, but your better feelings follow you and lighten the mood everywhere you go.
Find independence from the opinions of another.
Most people are mostly independent and self-reliant. Some, however, seek reliance through relationships. Dependence is the kind of behavior that scares people away because most of us are only able to sustain ourselves. We are not so well equipped to maintain another as well.
Internal wisdom asks you to find the love and sustenance you think you need from another, in a self-love practice. Self-love means you don’t need someone else to tell you how to feel, or how you should behave. It means you take yourself seriously enough to know you are capable of being whole on your own.
It also implies you don’t take yourself so seriously that you need others to do and say just the right thing, in just the right way, for you to love yourself. Your self-love ought to be independent of another’s mistakes in understanding you, too.
You are not needy but you have needs. You are not pushy, though you might be pushed by unconscious conditions that you are learning to control better. You are not “too much,” even though you might feel more than most and have a dramatic way of being. These are examples of seeing yourself with love, instead of allowing someone’s opinion to force judgment on you.
Self-adjustment suits the well-being of your relationship, without feeling attacked for just being yourself. When you are self-contained, you clear the heart for romance. You don’t need someone to agree with you, be sympathetic toward you, or over-concerned with your woe. That effort relieves them so they can focus on their inadequacies, rather than wasting precious romance on holding up your end, as well as their own.
Sondra Sneed is an author and psychic soul reader. Her upcoming book, Love’s Highway, is a conversation with God about Love and relationships.